Why I Dumped You

Welcome to Dumpsville...Population, You

No, baby, I swear you were pretty enough…When you came to me with your well-crafted, genuine email, I just couldn’t say no…

But I had to.

I had to let you go because I was seeing someone else – someone secret, and I couldn’t afford for either of you to find out. Truth is, that someone else is extremely high maintenance, and I knew that I couldn’t give all of myself to you as long as she was in the picture.

Damn you were hot. Well, your blog wasn’t hot…Actually, it was pretty much hideous, which I guess is why you came to me in the first place. Yeah, you thought I was like the guy on Dr. 90210…hook you up with some veneers, some liposuction, some forehead implants, and BAM – you’re taking the pretty girl to the ball. Ah, sometimes I wish it were that easy.

Don’t think I didn’t want you, baby. Oh, cause I did. Telling me things like “cost doesn’t matter – I came to you because I heard you were just sooooo good.” Mmm yeah, stroke that ego. You always knew how to treat me like a cheap hooker, and you know what? I loved every minute of it.

But I’m moving on. That’s right, I’m moving forward, and me ‘n this lil’ lassie here are gonna make something together. Something big. Something for everyone. And we’re not gonna stop till the whole world knows us.


Yep, me ‘n Tubetorial (edit: link removed) – we’re goin all the way. Sign up in case, you know, you want to be a voyeur and look through our pre-launch window. She’s the kinky type, so you’re bound to get some play if you stick around!

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