Can You Guess What My Problem Is?

I was brutally nauseous all weekend, and no matter what I ate, drank, said, or did, the lingering feelings of “oh god, I’m gonna yack” simply would not go away. I figured things would be better this morning, but predictably, I was wrong. Fed up with it all, I decided to head to Walgreens for some OTC meds.

How can you not crack a smile over this?

First, I picked up a bottle of chewable Maalox. Next, based on my grandmother’s advice (she’s a pediatrician), I grabbed some freakin suppositories that were supposed to – umm – help me.

Dunno what a suppository is? Try this on for size:

Suppositories are solid, bullet-shaped preparations designed for easy insertion into the anus (back passage).

If that’s not enough for you, read the step-by-step guide to suppository use over at NetDoctor – this will definitely have you cracking a smile.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming. I took my Maalox and my suppositories and headed for the checkout desk. Of course, while standing in line, I was sitting there wondering what the cashier was going to think about my purchase. Antacids and laxatives? Poor guy. Let’s face it…my purchase was definitely high on the glam factor.

Right before it was my turn to go through the line, I thought that I should maybe go and add the following items to “up the ante” a bit:

  • Preparation H
  • whipped cream
  • condoms
  • Astroglide
  • tampons

And then, my little shopping daydream was interrupted by a call of “Next, please!”

Ah well. Maybe next time. For now, I gotta “go” and get rid of this nausea.

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