How to Get House Sitters to Do What You Ask

My babies will miss me. At least that's what I keep telling myself...It’s late. It’s 1:34 am – the twilight of a Sunday morning here in Kentucky – and I really have no business being up. Problem is, I’m heading down to Orlando on a flight at 7:00 am, and I’m trying to finish up all the crap that I didn’t do today. Apparently I was too busy playing Tiger Woods 2006 on the XBOX 360, but we don’t have to go telling people that now, do we? Oh, and did I mention the bit of schizophrenia I develop in the wee hours of the morn?

Anyway, I thought you all might get a kick out of this letter I left my housesitter, so without further ado, here’s my thoughts on how to get results while you’re out of town…

A letter to my house sitter


Thanks in advance for watching the house and taking care of our babies for us :)

This week, Liddi B will need some special attention, mostly because he had another seizure on Thursday. He’s now on three different medications which I’ll need you to give him while we’re gone. While they’re all critical, one is SUPREMELY IMPORTANT.

He takes Phenylbarbitol for seizures. There are two blue bottles of the pills in the cabinet to the right of the microwave. He gets ½ a pill in the morning and another ½ in the evening. Theoretically, the doses are supposed to occur at 12 hour intervals, but I understand how that plays out in reality. Just do the best you can.

He also gets ½ of the cough suppressant and ½ of the antibiotic in the morning and in the evening. So, all told, he gets three total pills per day, ½ of each administered in the morning, and then the other ½ administered in the evening.

What I do is cut the pills in half and then stick them inside a gob of peanut butter. B goes ape shit over the peanut butter, so he doesn’t even know he’s taking meds. Just be certain that he gets ALL the peanut butter and therefore all of the meds.


Even if the house burns down, make sure he gets his phenylbarbitol. I don’t care if you save anything else. Not even the TV.

But god help me, you better save Deuce, too.

I will be calling you to check up constantly – not because I think you’ll be screwing up, but mostly because I’m a neurotic freak. On top of that, I’m worried about Liddi B, and I want you to pay attention to his cough (if it persists).

Thanks again,


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8 comments… read them below or add one

David Krug July 2, 2006

Do you get paid to put products inside your letters to your housesitter?

PHENYLBARBITOL is a major search term that the spammers use. Is this some SEO tactic. Or wicked trick on Google.



Ben July 2, 2006

Chris’ next post: How to get mesothelioma lawyers to do what you want.


Chris Cree July 2, 2006

Maybe I’m not as cynical as most but then I’m married to a Certified Veterinary Technician and she leaves very detailed letters to our house sitters too. Although fortunately she hasn’t needed to include all the meds for our critters yet.

Sounds like you’ve got a good sitter Chris if she’ll give all those pills while you’re away.


Mike July 2, 2006

If you guys haven’t met CP in person, he IS a neurotic freak, is this anal and loves dem dawgs !

he smart, but even he ain’t smart enough to try and spunk the SE’s with big words like this…..uh, or at least I don’t think he’s that smart.

You ain’t that smart, are you dude ?


Dennis July 2, 2006

I bet she left after reading that.


Chris P. July 2, 2006

Nah, I’m not that smart. Where are my ads, anyway?

Oh, and Ben, you’re close – my next post is actually on South Florida hotels! :)

I wouldn’t bore you guys with that crap.


Morgan July 6, 2006

Phenylbarbitol? Isn’t that what the Heaven’s Gate people overdosed on?

What ARE you doing to those dogs, Chris?


Chris P. July 6, 2006

Don’t blame me. Blame the lesbian veterinarian who B tries to bite whenever he can’t see his normal, male vet.

Maybe she has a hidden agenda here…


Hoot and/or Holler

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